I cockslap morals
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
