i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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