My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
