He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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