You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
