The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I can't turn off my feet"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Life without a bra equals bliss.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
