If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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