All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
