So drunk its hurt
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm really busy with my period
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