Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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