her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
