I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
