her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
