Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
