If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i now understand why vodka
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
