So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Come share oat with me in your robe
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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