I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
