She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
