Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Randomize
