Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
