whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
