I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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