He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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