man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
