your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
