you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Randomize
