Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
