TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
