I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I am naked and annoyed.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
