Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
