found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
