I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
