he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
