I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
