um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
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