walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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