there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
