why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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