I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
