That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
