Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
