we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
