shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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