You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
