i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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