Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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