I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
