my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
