Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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