Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
