yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Randomize
