You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
my poor anus
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
