Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
