Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
