The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
These tits shall not be calmed
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
