Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it hurts more in the daytime
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
